‘Who gives a fuck what you think anyway?’
‘I’m no sayin that. But a lot of people think the same.’
‘Aye?’
‘Aye.’
‘Like who?’
‘Loads ay folk.’
‘Gie’s wan then.’
‘There’s too many, it’s no just the wan person.’
‘There’s so many ye canny even pick wan?’
‘I’m meanin it’s a generally held view, right?’
‘Ach, furfucksake, never a straight answer wi you man.’
‘Look, way ah see it, ye can pick any two folk, it disny matter who they are, where they come from, whit job they dae, how much dosh they’ve got, aw that stuff. So long as they can understand the same language, that’s aw, ye just sit them doon, gie them somethin tae get startit oan an that’s it, lea them tae it.’
‘That disny work. Ye need folk that ken whit they’re daein. Professionals. Ye canny just start bletherin aboot aw sorts an expect embody else tae listen tae it.’
‘How no?’
‘Cause it’s no a real discussion then is it? It’s just yaba-yaba shite.’
‘ Yaba-yaba? Whits’ that?’
‘It’s just random pish aboot the weather or some celebrity or what’s on the telly. Aw that type ay thing. That’s yaba-yaba.’
‘You’re the one making up words an talking shite an ye’re soundin aff aboot ither folk?’
‘Let’s get this right. You reckon people would listen tae us talkin’?’
‘Aye.’
‘Ach furfucksake ah can hardly bear it masel. Why would anyone else want tae listen tae it?’
‘Cause this is yer actual vox populi, right?’
‘Don’t get all fuckin smartarse. Ah ken fine whit that means. And there’s no way ahm speakin for embody else never mind a majority. Ahm no expectin embody else tae think whit ah think.’
‘Aye, but they do whether you like it or no.’
‘Naw. Ah speak for masel. Naebdy else.’
‘That’s the point.’
‘Nah. No buyin it.’
‘There’s Tam and Peety there, right?’
‘Aye. I dinnae hufty turn round tae ken whereaboots they are.’
‘Whit dae they talk aboot?’
‘The same shite, ower and ower.’
‘Aye, that’s your take oan it cause ye canny be arsed wi them.’
‘Who can?’
‘Ach. You know why you think they’re borin?’
‘Eh, let me guess. Is it cause they are?’
‘Naw. It’s cause you canny understand whit they’re talking aboot.’
‘An you do?’
‘Mibbes no a hunner percent but ah try.’
‘It’s aw fuckin shite. Conspiracies. Tin-foil hat material.’
‘Aye, mibbe, but that pair’s done a stack ay readin in their time. They ken loads ay stuff, ye canny deny that.’
‘Aye, fair enough. But you’ve aye been merr patient than me. Ah canny be bothered wi it aw. An then Peety starts giein it ‘oh, ah’ve says too much’, like he’s fuckin James Bond or somethin, that does ma heid right in.’
‘Aye, well, mibbe if we had them doin a podcast? Wid folk listen tae that?’
‘There’s merr than enough pish oot there already, furfucksake.’
‘Ach well, please yersel. Ah just think you’re a wee bit insecure, know what ah mean?’
‘Insecure?’
‘Aye.’
‘How so?’
‘Ahm no sayin.’
‘Whit dae ye mean ye’re no sayin?’
‘Ahm no sayin means ahm no sayin.’
‘Aye very fuckin good. What dae ye mean insecure?’
‘Funny, eh?’
‘Whit’s funny?’
‘A minute ago no-one gave a fuck whit ah think aboot anythin. Eh?’
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